I have been attacked all over the place, and have been dwelling on all of the reasons why I'm not at the level I'm supposed to be at. Honestly, they're just cheap excuses that mean nothing to God, who owns the bank. I am giving these excuses up to God, and am not letting lies from the enemy hinder me from what the Lord has in store for my life.
Silly excuses (and even silly lies) that I am giving up to God (deep breath): I wasn't raised a believer, and have no home church or community to support me. My mom's family lives in the Philippines, and they are legit poor. The families/kids I have been serving the past two and a half years (at The Intersection) are low-income, underprivileged. They were my Christian community over the past few years. My non-believer family thinks I am CRAZY for doing this, vocalizing it. People are just going to keep saying "no."
To be honest, all these things are excuses. The majority of my face-to-face appointments have been discouraging to the point where I have been gripped with fear. Fear that Edge Corps is not where I am supposed to be, which is a total lie. The Lord has kept me in Columbia so that I may draw near to Him, learn more about who He is, and develop my abilities as a spiritual leader. Out of the overflow of my personal relationship with Christ, I can help encourage and equip other college-age leaders, and continue to pour into students who need Jesus.
Uh oh- Percentage REAL TALK. I am currently at 26% funded (Insert gasp from other Nav staffers) and have been feeling like the well is dry. I was supposed to be at 75% funded over a month ago. My anxiety has been real in terms of funding, however, I still believe that God will provide all of my funding. Rather than allow my fear to halt me (and the plans to advance the gospel on campus), I have decided to partner with my campus directors and Korryn and take EXTREME measures.
I am currently fasting and praying for God to bring in $10,000 by October 1st. I believe that the Lord is huge and that this amount of money is nothing to the Creator of the Universe. I have been reading and rereading Isaiah 58.
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard." -Isaiah 58:6-8
I have had to step back from ministry on campus during the day (haha, perhaps way overdue, but God blessed my time on campus) from 10am-3pm in order to work on raising support. I have been forced to be super creative with contacts, and am praying that God prepare the hearts of the people I'm supposed to approach next. I pray that support raising will turn out to be a fruitful ministry, and that people are challenged to give money that doesn't really even belong to them to begin with- it's God's money.
This all has been hard to write down and share. A huge enemy attack has been that I'm a failure. But I continue to seek the comfort of scripture and know that as long as I remain obedient to the Lord, obeying His commands, and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide my steps, God will be pleased.
Blessings, love, and God's perfect peace,
P.S. I told Korryn yesterday at 3:00pm that I was asking the Lord to bring in $10,000 by October 1st. At 3:37 I received a phone call saying that I would be receiving $5,000 by next week. I am encouraged, refreshed, and expectant that my Father in heaven provides.